Finally my damnable AT&T has gotten fixed, and I managed to find THE GREATEST VIDEO EVER MADE! Yes! Way back in the 90's I used to get a Canadian version of MTV on my satellite dish. They were called Much Music and they were almost like a televised version of CDBaby in some ways, because they'd show a lot of bands that nobody ever heard of, a lot of punk, unsigned things, etc. They were the first place I ever saw Prong, for instance, and also vids from forgotten bands like Sudden Impact,
G'n'R-like band The Hangmen
and even the world's worst social experiment, Old Skull, a hardcore punk band made up of 6 year olds.
Yes, let that stand as a testament that the Reagan years were NOT the glorious fairytale land that some would have you believe, if even prepubescents were forming hardcore bands against him.
Now, you might think that Old Skull vid is the greatest vid ever, and you could make a good case for that if you had enough tequila and an audience of the mentally ill, but... no.
No, the greatest, most amazingly-wonderful goddamn video MuchMusic ever showed was a video for a song called "The Apple Strudel Man" by a band called The Jolly Tambourine Man. I used to have this on a videotape (and probably still do since I never throw anything away, but only Satan himself knows where the motherfucker is at this point) and prized it mightily. Igor can probably attest to this, because I know I inflicted this video on him at least once or twice.
I've checked YouTube for it before and came up empty, but maybe I wasn't looking in the right place or something, because, here 'tiz, in all its insane, $24.95 glory, for you to feast your eyes and spend your precious bodily fluids over!
How you can you not worship a band whose lead singer has a lisp and scars that suggest someone tried to carve his mouth wider at some point, who has a perpetually-happy girl who plays the accordion, and whose drummer mindlessly pounds away using celery sticks (even though I believe in reality he's a drum machine), and who can create an atmosphere of menace with a song about an Apple Strudel Man, with lyrics like "My mom didn't club six million seals/ Instead she played mini-golf!"? That these guys didn't do more things is tragic! Tragic, I say!
This is your new secret favorite band! Maybe. And if not, well, at least now you have an excuse if you ever wake up screaming and sobbing.